


I'm Ready to Start a Slizzard

by TheDeathEcchi



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Drunk Mei, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Implied Pharmercy ;3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 07:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7925788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeathEcchi/pseuds/TheDeathEcchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Holy...Mei, are you drunk?" asked Hana, pausing her game. "Awesome! I love drunk Mei!" The gamer flinched at the stern look Angela gave her. "What? She's a lot more fun than regular Mei."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Ready to Start a Slizzard

**Author's Note:**

> This is really stupid and really silly and just something I came up with at like 2 in the morning. I believe that will show~

Morale was low. The team had just barely made their escape from a Talon ambush on their last mission. And even though they'd managed to fend off the forces and secure the area, they'd exhausted a great deal of supplies in the process, been unable to prevent collateral damage to the surrounding area, and sustained heavy damage to the dropship. Until the Orca was repaired and their stock replenished, they were all effectively benched.

"Well, that was a roight mess." groused Junkrat as he fiddled with one of his cherry bombs; one of the few he had left. Next to him, Roadhog stayed silent as ever, but inwardly, he was just as irritated at the mission's barely-passable success. 

Opposite them sat Hana, furiously tapping away at a game. It was a testament to how badly she was effected that she didn't make her usual whooping sounds at a successful kill, or jeer at the opponent. She'd even turned off her stream; she didn't want the world to see her like this.

Soldier 76, Reinhardt, Fareeha, and Zarya were off in the gym, each dealing with their emotions the only way they knew how; physical exertion. Satya and Torbjörn had each locked themselves into their respective workshops, and had refused to come out. Zenyatta and Genji had vanished the second they landed, going off somewhere to meditate. Lúcio had opted to sequester himself in his room, where the faint sounds of music could be heard. Winston had walked to his room without saying a word to anyone, Lena following close by.

"We can either sulk about this..." spoke Angela as she took her seat, a cup of herbal tea in her hand. "Or we can see the success for what it is, and plan for the next mission."

"I'm all for sulking." piped up Hana, raising her hand, not taking her eyes off the screen. "We got pasted out there. And half a city block was leveled. If this is what victory is like, I can't imagine losing."

"Child, you focus too much on the negative." Ana took her seat next to Hana, a bag of chips in hand. Reaching for one, she held it out to the gamer, who wordlessly munched it, eyes still glued to the screen. "In spite of how it unfolded, the outcome was desirable. And we have learned from this battle."

"I'd rather we learned from this battle in a way that didn't suck a big fat d--" 

Before Hana could finish her sentence, the door to the mess hall slammed open, bringing with it a visitor.

The team had wondered where Mei went off to. It was rare for her to disappear like that, even after a mission with such mixed results.

From the second she entered the room, something seemed off about the climatologist. Her undone hair was slick with sweat and matted to her red face. Her eyes were half-lidded, glaring about the surprised occupants of the hall. Gone were her mission clothes, replaced by a simple white tank top that exposed her belly and a pair of grey sweatpants. In her swinging hand was a blood-red bottle with Chinese characters on the label.

"Welly, welly, well." Mei drawled in a heavy slur, sauntering into the mess hall with what she supposed was a swagger, but came out as more of a stumble. "Look who's-hic!-here. Both grannies, the bunny pilot, and my two favorite psyc-hic!-psychos."

Angela stared wide-eyed at Mei as she draped herself over the end of the table, clutching the empty bottle as though it were a priceless treasure. "Um...Mei, dear...are you alright?"

The Chinese woman snapped her head up to glare at the medic. "Do I fucking look alright?" At that, Hana finally looked up from her game, jaw practically hitting the table. She had never, ever heard Mei swear, especially to Angela. Even when the Junkers got on her nerves in the worst way, she kept her cool. So to speak.

"Mei-Ling Zhou!" chided Angela, getting to her feet. "You had best watch your tone, young lady!"

"Oh, stow the young lady crap, you're like, six years older then me." Mei hiccuped again, dropping the bottle. Amazingly enough, it didn't break, instead rolling to stop against Roadhog's foot.

"Mei, I am warning you right now--"

"What're you gonna do?" she challenged, leaning in close to the doctor's face with a defiant smile. "Spank me? I think your little harrier would get jealous of that."

A strangled, gasping sound escaped Angela as Ana turned to glare at her, lips pulled into a thin line. "'Harrier'? She wouldn't be referring to my daughter...would she?" Angela could already hear the cocking of the sniper rifle...

"Holy...Mei, are you drunk?" asked Hana, pausing her game. "Awesome! I love drunk Mei!" The gamer flinched at the stern look Angela gave her. "What? She's a lot more fun than regular Mei."

"I am _plenty_ fun, you...you..." Mei struggled to find the words. "You button-mashing gremlin!"

Junkrat exploded into loud cackling as Hana stared agape at the thoroughly sloshed climatologist. Even Roadhog managed a chuckle at the dig.

"Mei, what prompted you to start drinking?" asked the doctor calmly, hoping to diffuse the situation with as little thumping as possible.

"'What prompted you to start--were you _there_ at the last mission?" Mei snapped. "We got our asses handed to us!" She hiccuped again, wiping her mouth free of the drool that had gathered.

"But we still completed our mission object--" Barely anyone saw Mei flit around the table like a hummingbird, placing a shushing finger on Ana's lips. 

"Shush. Shh, shh, shh." Mei took a deep breath and clasped her hands together, pointing them at the elderly sniper. "We got hosed. And lost the shi-hic!-ship."

"Mei, I think you should get some rest and--"

"Fuck rest!" she shouted, making even Roadhog flinch. "I'm a grown woman, and I can make my own decisions! And I decide..." She looked in her empty hand, perplexed at the absence of the bottle. Darting her eyes around, she spied it near the elder of the Junkers, and pounced on it like a lioness would a wounded gazelle. "And I decide! To get! Drunk!" There was a moment of silence as the group shared glances. "Why is it empty!?"

"You drank it." came Roadhog's reply.

Mei jumped up, facing the living mountain and fixing him with a steely glare. "Oh, you think you're sooooooooo smart," she gestured wildly with her hand at the last word. "Mr. Look at Me With My Hook."

Roadhog was silent, while Junkrat was on the verge of a seizure. "This is tha best!" he howled, banging his fist on the table. "Neva knew the Snowflake could get all ripped like this! Love it!"

The Chinese woman faced Junkrat. "Oh, and you," she purred, sauntering over to the demoman. "I know juuuuust how to get rid of all my frustra-hic!-ation."

At that, a nervous sweat broke out on Junkrat's forehead. "H-Hey, Snowflake, whatcha got planned there? Yer looking a bit amoral."

She giggled drunkenly, poking the junker's head with a finger. "The word is 'amorous'. And that's because I'm horny."

"Okay, I'm outta here," Hana said, pocketing her game and making a beeline for the door. "I'm not about to sit around and watch these two do it on the kitchen table."

"Because there will be none of that of any sort!" Angela, at her breaking point, gripped Mei by the ear and pulled her up. "This stops now, Mei-Ling Zhou!"

"Ugh, get off me! I'm an adult!"

"Who is acting like a petulant child!" Angela, still holding onto Mei's ear, dragged her out of the kitchen. "You are getting some water and aspirin, and some bed rest, and if there's time, I'll wash out that mouth of yours with all the soap in the watchpoint!"

"You can't censor me! Wǒ xiǎng gànshénme jiù gànshénme!"

The drunken, boisterous cries of Mei eventually faded, leaving only Ana, Junkrat, and Roadhog to process the events that had just transpired. 

"Well," Ana said, breaking the silence. "That was certainly a fun event."

"Sex on the table." A wide smile broke out on Junkrat's face. "That ain't a bad idea."

"Not where we eat." snarled Roadhog.

"Oh, well I guess you can't eat in your room no more."

A vein popped in Roadhog's neck as he stood, took a deep breath, and punched Junkrat in the back of the head.

"OW! Ya fat wanker, it was a joke!"

"I'm certainly laughing." Ana chuckled.

-/-/-/-/-

Mei awoke several hours later from her forced nap, wearily blinking the sleep from her eyes. Groaning, she tripped her head; though the aspirin was tending to her headache, the last few vestiges of it lingered, an echo of her...of her...

She bolted upright as the memories prior to her relocation to the medical ward came rushing back to her. She insulted Angela, carried on like a shǎzi, taunted Roadhog (she wondered how she lived through that one), and solicited Junkrat. Right in front of Hana. 

"Oh, no..."

"Good to see you're recovering." Mei turned to see Angela coming towards her with a glass of water. "Drink. It'll help."

Nodding, the climatologist gratefully took the glass and downed it in seconds. "Thank you." She pushed her fingers together. "I really didn't act my age out there, did I?"

"Well, if your age was 17." Mei buried her face in her pillow and mumbled something in Chinese the doctor couldn't catch. "Would you mind telling me why you thought it all appropriate to drink an entire bottle of mijiu all by yourself, in one sitting?"

Mei sighed, placing the pillow back underneath her. "I performed so terribly in the last mission. Ice walls too late or too early...I kept missing..."

Angela listened intently as Mei counted off her supposed failures. So this is why she turned to drink. She felt inadequate on the battlefield. The swede sighed and clicked her tongue.

"Mei. We all have good days, and bad days, and days like today where it's some kind of mixed of both." She took Mei's hand in here and began stroking the other woman's thumb. "The situation may not have turned out the way we'd hoped, but the end result was desirable. And we can learn from this mission. We can become better. We will become better."

The climatologist looked up at the doctor in admiration. She always knew just what to say, just how to make her feel better. "Has anyone ever told you you're good at speeches?"

A light chuckle came from Angela's lips. "A few. Has anyone ever told you you're a very...expressive drunk?"

Mei groaned and collapsed on the bed. "Bié zài tíxǐng wǒle..."

**Author's Note:**

> Wǒ xiǎng gànshénme jiù gànshénme = I do what I want
> 
> shǎzi = fool
> 
> Bié zài tíxǐng wǒle = do not remind me


End file.
